Killing More Princesses Than The Black Plague
There’s a fine line between unrealistic expectations and knowing what you deserve.
I recently watched the movie Old Fashioned, an independent film that came out in limited theaters on Valentine’s Day 2015. I love this movie but, if you’re infected with the CTI (Culturally Transmitted Infection), Cynicism, you won’t like it. I highly recommend not watching it unless you have an open mind about love and relationships.
I think most people, especially in this 21st century western culture, will find themselves scoffing at every gesture as a low grade anger simmers underneath the surface making them itch with discomfort, involuntarily spit cutting sarcastic remarks, and burst into fits of laughter that feel more painful than funny. They might even writhe uncontrollably, unconsciously start scrolling through Instagram, or just erupt into a full blown fit!
This common reaction makes me wonder, when did respectful courtship become a joke?When did decency, goodness, and nobility become an “unrealistic expectation” or “fantasy”?
THERE’S A FINE LINE BETWEEN UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS AND KNOWING WHAT YOU DESERVE.
Do you know what you deserve? Better yet, do you know what you want? In @NinaAtwood‘s parable, Temptations of the Single Girl, the first dating trap is Denying Our True Desires. All too often we lie to ourselves so much that we believe we “don’t really want a relationship” or are “afraid of commitment” or we “enjoy just messing around because we love sex” yet end up with the same gnawing feeling in the pit of our stomachs when the person we like doesn’t call back or has sex with us and doesn’t make it “official”. We use these lies as a brick wall to “defend our honor” or “uphold our rep” when it’s really just keeping the goodies of intimacy out and perpetuating the self loathing that results from breaking yet another promise to our bodies and hearts.
When will it end? When will we be willing to let go of the jaded cynicisms that keep us wallowing in the slow death of denial? The education deficiency in our culture is that we glorify the “falling in love” process and make it this impossible ideal, full of passion, and tingles yet we fail to teach ourselves about what it really requires to create a long term partnership built on a foundation of intimacy and trust. Unfortunately, shit like that doesn’t make blockbusters. This is why Old Fashioned will never be a blockbuster hit and why most people won’t even see it. Either way, I’m glad I did because I know that in order for me to be happy, I need to allow true intimacy melt the ice around my heart.
I’m definitely not saying I’m perfect nor am I writing this post from a high and mighty horse. I’m writing it because I’m in the trenches too. I’ve chosen high risk, unsatisfying, and disconnected relationships all my life under the guise of “I’m doin’ me” while secretly fantasizing that the “perfect Prince Charming” will come along and save me from myself. The truth is, no one will save me but me. As every new #engaged photo pops up, I know that those people didn’t “get lucky” and it’s not a reason to be bitter and sing woes of #foreveralone. It’s a reason to respect, honor, and realize that healthy love is not a lost cause or unrealistic expectation… it’s a goddam birthright. These couples have worked hard and probably have been through some shit yet stuck through it all.
I feel defining our true desires is something every single person gets to choose for themselves and there’s nothing wrong with whatever you choose. Monogamy, polyamory, single forever, marriage, civil union, domestic partnership, etc… I just urge you to make sure your choices are truly what you want and won’t leave you unconsciously hating yourself as you fall asleep at night.
SO GO AHEAD, I DARE YOU, ANSWER FOR YOURSELF…
WHAT ARE YOUR TRUE DESIRES AND ARE YOU WILLING TO STOP DENYING THEM?
* Amelia Fortes is an intuitive coach and edutainer who travels all around the country empowering students to make better life decisions and to see the world. Follow her @SeeMeCherryV @TheAmeliaFortes www.AmeliaFortes.com
Final note about the movie: Old Fashioned is categorized as a “Christian Romance Film” and when I first saw it I didn’t even know that because it lacked the self-righteous-jesus-the-sin-out-of-you condescending overtones I usually expect from “things like that”. If this bothers you for whatever reason, like I said, don’t watch it if you don’t have an open mind. Just because some Christians are closed minded and righteous, doesn’t mean you should be.
If you’re still interested in watching it, it’s available for rent/purchase on Amazon.